About PornDude Shop
Welcome to the Porn Dude Shop!
Hey, what’s up, perverts? It’s your old friend, The Porn Dude, back again with something a little different this time. Usually, I’m giving stuff out for free, whether it’s a nice hardcore butt-fuck movie or just some helpful advice about where to find some good lesbian porno or buy a new silicone fap sleeve. I feel like I’ve given a lot to the Internet masturbation community over the years, never asking a dime in return, and I ain’t about to start begging for donations now. I’ve got an even better idea: merch sales!
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, in this mutually beneficial financial arrangement, I get a few bucks to pump back into my PornDude empire and you get something almost as satisfying. You get to own your very own, 100% accurate reproduction of my handsome mug on a sticker, a T-shirt, or hell, even a mug! I’ve got boxers available, hoodies, iPhone cases, and even the same socks you see me wearing when I’m banging girls on the PornDudeCasting couch. You know what they say: there’s no better way to feel what it’s like in a man’s shoes than to wear his socks! My Porn Dude Casting pillows may not love you like that princess waifu pillow you share the bed with, but you won’t be embarrassed if your friends see it, either.
Whether you’re just a fan or you’d really like to be me, this official PornDude merch will help you live the sticky, wet dream. (Oh, and if you’re serious about wanting to be the web’s next big smut expert and bona fide pornography star, make sure to check out PornWebmasters!) It also makes great gifts for the horny deviates in your life, so consider this your one-stop shop for all your birthday, holiday, wedding anniversary and Mother’s Day needs. Nothing says “I love you” like some classy gear featuring the face of the world’s most respected professional masturbator.
Who the Fuck is The Porn Dude?
Sometimes I forget, not everyone has heard of me. There are some folks out there who may have just gotten out of prison, escaped from an anti-sex cult or just haven’t figured out yet how to shake their dicks at the Internet. In that case, you may be wondering why you’d want to wear underwear at all, let alone a fancy-ass pair of drawers with my face guarding your junk. Well, if you’ve never stumbled upon my brand while rubbing out a quickie before the boss gets back to the office, allow me to introduce myself.
I’m mainly known for my work at ThePornDude, a site that coincidentally seems to be named after me. I’ve spent nearly a decade fap-testing the world’s best, and sometimes worst, Internet porn. To date, I’ve reviewed thousands of adult websites of all types, ranking them by genre and giving fans an in-depth look at what they have to offer. ThePornDude now has over one hundred categories of online grown-up entertainment, from Live Voyeur Cams to Pornstar Databases, Sex Stories to Premium Creampie Porn Sites, Free Porn Tubes to extensive Hentai Manga collections. I’ve built spin-off sites like BestPornGames and MyGaySites for the neckbeards and the queers, as well as some backups for the countries that have banned ThePornDude.
ThePornDude has always been and always will be a free resource, which is part of the reason I now get millions of visitors a day. It ain’t just rando masturbators stopping by, either. I’ve garnered enough attention from my porn reviews to be featured in a full-length interview with Hustler, and I’m regularly contacted by the media to give my thoughts and opinions about the sex industry. Yeah, I’m totally famous enough for you to wear on your chest.
But hey, I ain’t even done listing my accomplishments or mentioning all the free content I’ve put out there. Aspiring Porn Dudes and wannabe pornographers can also check out PornWebmasters, a one-of-a-kind resource aimed at helping folks set up their own adult site as easily, cheaply and painlessly as possible. It’s organized by category like ThePornDude, and I’ll tell you right now you can learn a fucking ton about online smut peddling just by reading my little Q&A sessions at the top of each page. Take a look if you’ve ever even daydreamed about starting your own taboo tube, basement bondage paysite or sex comic blog.
Have You Seen PornDudeCasting Yet?
I’m going to totally honest with you. I’d been kicking around the idea of selling PornDude merch for a while, and fans have been asking for it, but you want to know why I really launched this shop? It’s my casting site. I launched PornDudeCasting recently, and I’ve got to tell you, it costs a lot more to film yourself banging sexy pornstars and amateurs every week than just banging out smut reviews with lube-covered hands. It all adds up quick, from the cameras to the editing to the web design, and especially to hiring the talent. I ain’t smashing skeletal tweakers I found selling toothless blowjobs behind 7-11; I’m working with girls you absolutely want to see naked!
My original goal was to make PornDudeCasting free forever, but that’s a pretty damn tall order when I’m financing it all myself. Maybe I could sell out to one of the big studios, but they’d want to water down my raw, real style and crude humor that you love so much. Think of the Porn Dude Shop as a fundraising effort for PornDudeCasting, but with something even sweeter than Girl Scout cookies. It’s all designed to keep the porn flowing without having to charge out the ass like the other guys.
Because, dudes, have you seen the site yet? PornDudeCasting may be my first ever entry into the world of porn production, but I’ve been studying the stuff intensely for years, often in sweaty marathon sessions. I’ve emulated the masters, working to perfect my face-fucking technique, my creampie load size, and my anal piledriver form. I’m humping gorgeous up-and-coming starlets like Harlow West and Everly Haze, as well as award-winning veterans like Lauren Phillips and Katie Morgan. If you don’t want to buy a pair of socks yet, maybe wait until you’ve filled your current pair with semen while watching the show.
Take a Walk in The Porn Dude’s Socks
Sorry for the long-winded intro, but hey, tooting my own horn is kind of my whole gig, and also the reason why my trash can is always overflowing with soiled tissues. Time to get back to the matter at hand: all this fine Porn Dude merch. What’s it going to take to send you home with your very own set of stylish PornDude threads?
You can wear your support with my name emblazoned right across your chest on a T-shirt, or go for a slightly more subtle look with my smiling face between your jugs. People in the know will recognize me and then recognize you for the pervert you really are, while the prudes may have to look slightly harder to realize you’re a loud and proud consumer of Internet porn, making it a great option for wearing to work or school. I’ve also got a hoodie available, to help keep you warm even when your pants are around your ankles and your crotch absolutely drenched in slippery fluids.
Or maybe you’re the kind of suave motherfucker who likes to impress the ladies with a fine pair of graphic underwear, in which case the Porn Dude boxers may suit you well. As soon as you drop your pants, she’ll see a panoramic view of Porn Dude Island, signaling that not only are you a man of good taste, you’re also down for all kinds of kinky shit tonight.
If you’re a PornDudeCasting fan, tuning in every week to see who I’m fucking and in which holes, the shop has got some real treats for you. Yes, that’s the very same pillow I keep on the casting couch, though yours will arrive brand new, without any of the various personal sauces mine has been splashed with. Toss that on the sofa and then complete with the vibe with the official Porn Dude Emoji Socks, the same style I wear when I’m delivering a facial creampie or making a broad queef on camera.
The only problem with buying a Porn Dude shirt or pair of socks is that you can’t use them every day, at least not without doing a lot of laundry or being comfortable with a certain amount of crust. Those of you who’d like to have a little bit of Porn Dude with you even more often can wash down your daily boner pills with a cup of joe in an official Porn Dude Island mug. I’ve also got iPhone cases for all but the shittiest, oldest models. Let me be that constant reminder that your pocket computer is good for more than just sharing selfies and texting your sister; you can also masturbate with it.
I also have stickers for sale, which instantly transform anything into Porn Dude merch. I recommend putting them on laptops, windows, bongs, or pretty much anything with a smooth, flat surface. (Sorry, I guess your wife’s ass is out of the question.) Your boss almost definitely wants one on his car, so why not surprise him? They’re also a great way to let your friends and family know why their hands get so sticky every time they use your VR headset.
My expertise is really in the pornographic arts, and I’m still brand new to this merchandizing thing and feeling it out. If I’ve left out some important, PornDude-branded shit you’d like to see and drop some cash on, be sure to let me know! ThePornDude has always been about keeping you perverts really deeply fucking satisfied, and I intend to keep it that way.